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You don’t want it to be too tight because then it runs the risk of being very painful. I’ll be mortified if you-know-what happens!” After chilling your asshole out, you kind of need to go in the shower and fuck yourself with your finger.
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And don’t try any funny business tonight. When that’s done, I’l give a pep talk to my asshole and be like, “Hey babe! I know you’ve been in retirement or whatever, but you need to get ready because something’s coming to an orifice near you. I can then have the luxury of choosing “Attending”, “Maybe Attending” or “Not Attending.” If I choose to attend, I need to start doing some serious yoga to Sade or Enya. The guy needs to send me a private Facebok event invitation titled, “Ryan O’Connell gets fucked in the ass.” with a set date and time. If I’m getting fucked in the ass, I need to know way in advance so I can prepare properly. First of all, anal sex cannot be an on-the-fly decision.
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I’m going to try to put the feeling of anal sex into words so you can get an idea of how crazysexyintense it is. Anal is like the oxygen they need to breathe. With others, however, it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. Some only have anal sex in monogamous relationships and consider oral sex to be intercourse. But this is something the gay community doesn’t always see ass-to-ass on. Entrance is only granted to V.I.P.’s-Very Important Penises. The act is so intense and delicate that I could never give my asshole to just anybody. When my friends tell me stories about doing it with some random they met at a bar, I’m completely stunned. Anal sex is kind of the biggest deal ever. If Jersey Shore has “Gym, Tan, Laundry”, gay men have “Gym, Tan, Anal.” As I’ve discussed before, the male equivalent of a G-spot rests in our prostate so the incentive to get someone’s dick in our ass ASAPular is that much greater.īut here’s some real talk for you. Lesbians use dildos, straight girls get drunk and acquiesce to their boyfriend’s requests, and gay guys, well, we sort of invented anal sex. The only people who aren’t getting fucked in the ass are straight men. It’s like, “You just let me put my penis in your ass and move it in and out for an hour. After the deed, you see your fellow man in a whole new empathetic light, the kind of light that’s humanizing, curbs any further judgements and could possibly end wars. Getting your ass penetrated should be a prerequisite for life because it’s an experience that teaches humility and encourages teamwork.